The London Comedy Writers (LCW)

Someone I'd met on my stand-up comedy course forwarded me some information about this group and when I'd finished one of my stints at choir I decided to pop along.  It's held in the upstairs function room of a pub near London Bridge and I find it a good place to go.  It runs between 7pm and 9pm and there's 'happy hour' in the bar prior to 7pm, hence pints are really darn cheap.  I think the oddest thing was encountering someone I'd worked with in the mid 90s again, which was an odd coincidence if nothing else.

The meetings tend to pan out like this: a number of writers submit their work which can consist of a 30 or indeed 50 minute script in advance and it's kept in a queue, ditto short sketches.  All of which are performed by the professional actors who attend, so it brings it to life somewhat.  Once it's complete then members of the group are allowed to comment and provide constructive criticism to the writer, who can then answer back at the end of this process.  It's well worth it because where else can you receive such a thing?  Believe me, as a writer, it's essential and feedback is really useful.

As for me, well it's Sketchmaggedon on 2nd September and I've written a sketch!  I have sent it to my friend for comment/editing beforehand, but I will be submitting it.  A big thank you to both Graham Trelfer and Robin Bailes for running the group - it's so appreciated by all who attend. 

My Experiences in Stand-Up Comedy: The Performance Aspect - Part Two

Oh my word, I'd totally forgotten to write part two of my stand-up story and I expect my huge audience have been F5ing their computers in anticipation?  They haven't?  Are you sure?  OK, fair enough, but here it is then....

Anyway, I spent quite a long time on the internet looking at potential gig venues and managed to get a spot at Barry Ferns' comedy club which runs on Thursday evenings at the confusingly named Camden Head pub in The Angel, Islington.  Barry's a lovely guy - he took us for one of our lessons when Kate couldn't make it and he was really supportive and encouraging and offered all of us a five minute spot at the club.  Anyway, about a week after my debut performance I tried out again and I must admit that I felt as sick as a dog about it all, but I was well supported - quite a few of my class came along to cheer me on.  As it's a free comedy club the clientele are a bit, well, hipsterish and in retrospect quite twatty, but there you go.  I was put on in the 'safe' spot which is half way through the second half when the audience are often far too blotto to care.  All of the acts weren't faring well but my set went down without a great deal of mirth and I slunk off stage to discuss with other wannabe stand-up. 

The third and indeed final gig I did was in a place which has a monthly comedy club.  It was a good couple of months after the second performance and to be honest, I wasn't really feeling it.  I got up, did my thing and was on the same bill as Celia Paquola and Sean Hughes (who seemed a miserable bastard) - a few people laughed, I got clapped on the back a number of times, but that was that and I duly retired. 

Now, over a year on, I write comedy, so keep reading.....

My Experiences in Stand-Up Comedy: The Performance Aspect - Part One

Following on from my course it was a natural progression to go and perform and that's exactly what I did.  All eight of us were given a five-minute spot each at the showcase which was scheduled for the evening of Mother's Day 2012 in a room above a pub near Leicester Square, London.  The room itself was pretty tiny with green and red decor and chandeliers; a few of us had visited it a couple of weeks prior to the big day to see the Monday night newbies night promoted by the Soho Comedy Club to recce the venue and see exactly what we'd let ourselves in for.

I practiced recording my five minute set into my mobile phone for a fortnight before the big day, cutting, chopping and honing it all; I was kind of nervous, but not too bad.  When the evening itself dawned it was very strange indeed - Sunday nights in Central London are bizarre and being the day after St Patrick's Day the atmosphere was strangely muted.  Our MC and tutor, Kate Smurthwaite warmed the audience up and announced that there would be eight acts, four in the first half and another four after the interval.  I was number five and it was pretty excruciating, but the whole thing came together and I even ad-libbed aspects which the crowd seemed to love.  It went well and despite the house being papered and the audience consisting of friends and family, it was amazing.  I was congratulated by all and it felt slightly unreal.

It would be extremely boastful for me not to mention my fellow performers who were all excellent in their own way - some were much better than me, I have to admit.  One of them has gone onto quite a bit of success on the circuit, but most of them have decided to pursue other career paths.  So, what happened to me then...you'll have to keep reading to find out, but to date I haven't given up my day job....

Answer me I'm sorry I haven't a clue rises again: Things I've gleaned from blokes I've been out with

*Disclaimer - all names have been changed to protect the identities of people who'll probably never read this*

At the time of writing I'm what can categorically be confirmed as 'the late thirties' - that's my age of course, I've not boarded the ghost bus and teleported myself back to the days of the Art Deco era, oh no.  It makes me wonder what kind of interests, hobbies and general things I've gleaned from the various blokes I've befriended/dated/stalked*/married** or just simply hung around with and let me tell you, it's quite a lot of stuff over the years.

If memory serves me right I believe that I started dating at about the age of 18, I was a bedroom-bound strange teenager with an aura of awkwardness which has never fully left me, but believe me, as a teen I was at least fifty times worse than I am now.  My idea of a fun Saturday was to get a large bag and visit the local branch library and borrow the maximum amount of books on my card; yes, I really was that much of a laugh.  Hurrah.  Anyway, I did get to date a fellow A-Level student eventually called Darren who shared my love of rubbish quiz show hosts, comedy and the films of Vincent Price.  We were once watching one in his room when his mother decided to burst in during the climax of the film and of course, I'm not referring to any kind of other 'climax' - it wasn't like that then and anyway, I was wearing a wrap-around cardigan and I'd defy any man to get through all of those layers of acrylic, I really would.

From this relationship I decided that I didn't like Vic and Bob much, but I began my high regard for the work of Mr Paul Merton, which would later translate into me seeing him live quite a few times, one rather memorably with my friend Rachel at the London Palladium where his cohort, Richard Vranch almost revealed all in a skimpy red bikini.  Darren also enjoyed thrash metal music.  I don't and never will.  End of.

In my amateur dramatics days I met a myriad of men but don't worry reputation fans, I didn't date many of them in the 'biblical' sense anyway.  I went out and about with one whom I'll call 'The Beard' and he was a huge fan of BBC Radio 4 comedies and from him I learned all about the delights of panel shows such as I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue and he got us tickets to the recording of the Christmas Show that I really didn't appreciate in those days, so sorry Beardy, I really am.  I also watched such comedy classics as The Goodies, Hitch Hiker's Guide to The Galaxy and Brazil with him, but I can't say that sharing the sofa was particularly pleasant, call me a prude, but if I'm not snuggling up to you, there's a good reason why not.  You were a lovely bloke, but the spark just wasn't there.  Sorry.

Colleagues have also been a rich source of comedy inspiration and I've always been lucky to work in places where witty banter has always been welcome.  Some recommendations just didn't work though - one boss absolutely adored The Flight of The Conchords, but I just couldn't get into it.

My husband isn't as much of a comedy fan as I am, but adored Michael Palin and Terry Jones' Ripping Yarns, which he bought on DVD; they were quite good, but not side-splitting in my opinion.  He also liked The Rutles, the Eric Idle Beatles spoof thing which I didn't find remotely amusing.  That said, we have enjoyed many hours on our respective sofas watching comedy, despite him recording every single documentary on the V+ box and taking the whole series of Elizabeth R away on holiday with him - all 549 minutes of it.  Great, he'll be purchasing beige slacks before I know it.....not that there's anything wrong with this at all, no, not at all.  Hubby - if you're reading this, it's not meant to be overtly critical of you and of course you're still free to carry out the clandestine activities you've been enjoying in the study since late 2004, I don't mind, honest.  The goat won't press charges I'm sure.

Finally, my friend Philip has introduced me to the comedy podcast Answer Me This and I've downloaded a whole load of episodes onto my purple iPod and it's great - just my level of smutty Viz-like sense of humour.  Brilliant, thank you and it will undoubtedly brighten up my chores, commute or any other time I plug my headphones in and try and block out the crazy world.

* Never proven: thrown out of court back in 1997
** Technically twice if you count asking the captain of the Woolwich Ferry to marry myself and my boyfriend at the time.

My Experiences in Stand-Up Comedy: The Course

Firstly, apologies that there's absolutely no chronology in this blog - I can only state that it's because I have absolutely no self-discipline or indeed any idea of how to structure anything lengthy.  Anyway, having undertaken a great deal of singing, dancing and drama courses with the sublime City Academy in London I took the plunge with my Christmas money (not received from various relatives in denominations of £5, I'm not ten years old you know!) and used one of their 20 per cent discount codes and booked myself on an eight-week course commencing in January 2012.  I was a little nervous about it, but I shouldn't have been - there were eight of us and we all bonded fairly well from the start.  The tutor, Kate Smurthwaite, who's an accomplished stand-up as well as a feminist campaigner was friendly and encouraging and took us through a series of writing and performing exercises.  One of my favourites was being able to deal with hecklers and I particularly enjoyed heckling my fellow classmates.

The aim of the course was to perform a five minute comedy stand-up set in a showcase (basically a room above a central London pub) at the end of the term.  This, was incredibly daunting, but Kate stated that the audience would comprise of friends and family and would be a convivial and welcoming atmosphere which was in complete contrast to the majority of clubs in the UK and abroad.  Myself and my fellow would-be comedian classmates used to convene in the pub after the sessions and discuss the process of being funny, which as you can imagine, is pretty subjective; I seem to recall that after the second lesson the others said that I was the funniest person on the course.  I must admit that I'm cringing even typing this and my head is expanding to fill the dining room, but it felt good at the time, that's for sure.  In retrospect I don't think that I was the most talented person, we were all very different performers, but being effortlessly amusing all of the time must be very difficult and something even the biggest names in the comedy world have suffered from.  Have you ever read about a comedian who wasn't slightly mad, egotistic or just downright depressed?  It's rare not to.  How can you keep up that level of wit on an everyday basis?  I can't. 

Comedy in the 90s - it's paranoid?

Sorry for plagiarizing Blur's seminal 1990s hit Girls and Boys (whom, incidentally a former colleague of mine thought was written about bisexuality?!) but this is when I really got into comedy in a huge way.  The zeitgeist was very pro-lad mag and the comedy star is God - do you recall Newman and Baddiel being the first comedy duo to play Wembley?  Although, fact fans the first actual comedy performer to take the stage was Sean Lock, whom I had a huge crush on until I found out that he smoked roll-ups and wasn't married to the mother of his children.  Anyway, as per usual, I digress.

Talking of Newman and Baddiel, whom I don't think I've discussed before on this blog and of course, the mighty The Mary Whitehouse Experience which also launched Punt and Dennis onto the scene after many years of playing skits on programmes such as Jasper Carrott's Canned Carrott and writing for other comedy performers as part of the omnipresent Cambridge Footlights alumni.  It's such a shame that the BBC have lost the master tapes of the MWE as it was pretty funny at the time, however like many comedies I've re-rented in recent years, such as Alexei Sayle's Stuff I have found them less than hilarious a few years on.

Newman and Baddiel in Pieces was N&B's follow up from the MWE which launched on BBC2 and was therefore much cooler than P&D's The Imaginatively Titled Punt and Dennis Show, which I believe was aimed at a much more mainstream BBC1 audience.  I bought the VHS 'best of' compilation of the latter ages ago from my parents' favourite emporium of shite, the late-lamented Primus Stores, formerly of Sea Street Retail Park, Herne Bay; I think I paid fifty pence for it, so I wasn't expecting much.  I wouldn't mind seeing parts of N&BIP again though, especially the joke about Fred Brewster's 'Geronimo' - which basically took the mickey out of a condom advert at the time, which was Mr B taking about how thick 'rubber johnnies' were in his days and that he had to rinse his very own 'Geronimo' out after every use and leave it to dry on the line.  Nice.

Finally, I just didn't get Reeves and Mortimer, despite my ex from years ago thinking that they were hilarious.  A friend of mine has offered to try and demonstrate, via DVD, just how amusing they are, so watch this space!